(Mildly) embarassing admission about yourself

The repetitive walking in a row is kind of like a meditation.

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I have had sex in the shower, on an elevator, and also in a walk in freezer though.

LOL. Much better than beer, dude.

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Once when I was eight we were driving back from a relative’s funeral in our best clothes. And my mom was so proud of how I looked. We stopped at a McDonald’s which back then was a treat. Mom told me to wash my hands, so I went to the bathroom to wash them. When I was done I went to the air hand dryer to blow them dry. Being eight, I wasn’t very tall yet. But it was strange to me that the the nozzle where the air comes out was pointed up and not down. I couldn’t see inside, but I hit the button anyway just thinking it “a new version”. When I did the machine started gurgling loudly glug glug glug weeeeeeee (air sound) and what I didn’t put together was that some teenagers had dumped an entire strawberry milkshake all over the bathroom, including the air dryer. When I hit the buttom the strawberry milkshake blasted out of the air dryer, at first in a big blob, then all the little pieces, and literally covered me head to toe in specks of pink. It was in my hair, on my face, on my shoes, and all over my best clothes. I was in full blown panic and frozen, but I managed to walk out to my mom in a full restaurant because I didn’t know what to do (being eight). OMG, I might have never seen my mom that angry. She thought I was fooling around in the bathroom. “I TOLD YOU not to get anything on these clothes!” Then I explained. My pops could not stop laughing (under his breath). My mom went over to the teenagers drinking milkshakes and flew off the handle. It was like something out of the Christmas Story.

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https://youtu.be/H1hdLFPZ0PY

I’ll admit to being a fairly destructive teen in terms of property damage. My friends and I are responsible for a bunch of broken car windows (motivated by revenge for jumping a friend), shooting out traffic lights with an ak47 and countless mailboxes being demolished, tackled, stolen or set on fire…

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When I was 17 and got a car we used to go out and hit fast food places like McD’s and when the bathrooms had hand dryers, we’d turn the nozzle upside down and pour in a shake, and then wait for some kid to hit the button and WOOSH!!!

Good times

(come one, someone had to do it)

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So I just discovered I’m doing something I didn’t realize I was doing. Apparently when I’m at home, I unzip my pants on the way to the bathroom and pull my junk out as soon as I hit the doorway. How did I discover this was a habit I developed at home? Because I caught myself doing it at the movie theater…twice!

I’ve been going to the movies every week here, because on Tuesday’s they have cheap seats. Last week I got up and went to the restroom. Next thing I know, I’m walking across the restroom with my junk in my hands…headed towards the urinal. I was like “WTF?” I thought it was a one time occurrence. But this week I did it again. No one was in there either time, but could you imagine being in the bathroom and looking up and seeing some guy walk into the restroom with his dick already hanging out? That’s when I pieced everything together, and I’m guessing something about sitting down watching a screen was triggering my brain to think I was at home or something, so unzipping my pants on the way and flopping it out at the doorway was the result.

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Ted, that may be the best story I’ve read in the many iterations of The Den

Parading around gym locker rooms nude. Unleashing the beast upon entering theater restrooms. What’s next? Pantless drive thrus?

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He could get a job for the Lions at this rate

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I realize I’m getting old but I think I’m losing my mind. The other day I poured my daughter a bowl of cereal and put the cereal in the fridge and the milk in cupboard.

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Thought of this thread last night before bed when I put the dog out to pee and decided it was easier to just follow him out and go in the yard and pee with him, instead of walking to the bathroom and then going back to the door to let him in.

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Smart move. Then you can hit the kitchen before bed without losing any time.

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Glad to hear that I’ve been a bad influence on someone. Not everyone gets to feel like they’ve made a difference.

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PS bring back Adrian’s wrestling picture signature.

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I have 11 guitars and none are Ibanez. That and I learned “Moves like Jagger”.

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Note to self: Don’t go to the bathroom or gym with @wesleysh21

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